Congress demands Padma Vibhushan for Kumbhakarna, to stall parliament over the issue

Taking cue from the recent lawsuit filed against Lord Rama for mistreating his wife Sita and  JNU students' celebration of the 'Mahishasur Martyrdom Day', the Congress  has now demanded that a posthumous Padma Vibhushan be conferred upon prince Kumbhakarna for the pivotal role played by him in the epic Ramayana. The opposition party has threatened that this will be a key issue in the budget session of the parliament, which will not be allowed to function until their demand is met.

Congress spokesperson Manish Tewari made the news official, ‘Every character in the epic Ramayana has been given his due, but the mighty Kumbhakarna. This when he was one person in the entire Ramayana who had his life sorted out. When everyone else was figuring out life and creating commotion, this Brahmgyaani was already resting in a higher state of consciousness. I ask why do the communal forces not recognize his contribution. They need to address this issue holistically or face consequences in the parliament.’

‘Look at the list of Padma awardees this year. Not a single award has been returned. Even those who refused awards last year are now accepting it. Isn't this enough evidence that the awards are rigged?", asked an enraged Renuka Chowdary. "If an award was given to Kumbhakarna we could at least have made a case for him to refuse it,’ our reporter heard her murmur.

"Modi government's handling of these awards has immensely hurt Sonia Ji. I was told she had tears in her eyes as she proposed a Padma Vihbushan for prince Kumbhakarna", added an emotional Salman Khurshid.

Earlier today at Congress Headquarters

Our undercover correspondent brings to you the behind-the-scenes story from 24, Akbar Road.

At 10 am this morning the who’s who of the Congress think tank were spotted at the party headquarters to brainstorm over this latest strategy to corner the Modi government. Not willing to take any chances this time, relevant episodes from Ramanand Sagar’s TV series were screened for everyone present.

As the audience walked out after the screening it was apparent that they had undergone an intense experience. Having the least idea of what they were about to witness, they were left spellbound.

Salman Khurshid broke the silence, “This was an eye opener. I never realized that the founding principles of our party come from the Ramayana.”

“Totally. The majesty of Kumbhakarna’s sleep reminded me of the Nehruvian era”, added a dumbstruck Manish Tewari.

“And the way he devoured anything and everything, I have seen this happen before my eyes,” Kapil Sibal turned nostalgic.

Digvijay Singh winked as he interrupted, “Sir, credit to aap ko bhi jata hai.”

Khurshid joined the laughter, “Ha ha. So what next?”

“Kumbhakarna ne khane ke baad kya kiya tha,” Sibal had his plans in place.

Digvijay knew exactly what was going in Sibal’s mind, “Disrupt? You are so naughty, Kapil.”

Sanjay Jha who had been a mute spectator so far turned emotional, “Only Rahul Baba could have done this. He has discovered our roots for us.”

Tewari suddenly turned thoughtful, “Wait a second, but disruption was followed by Kumbhakarna’s annihilation.”

Sibal was quick with his retort, “Tewari ji, ab aap Amit Shah ko bandar bol rahe hain.”

A huge laughter ensued.

Last Evening at 10 Janpath

But how did this stellar of an idea to confer a Padma Vibhushan to the monstrous prince originate? Here is the insider story.

The Gandhis have been showing keen interest in Indian epics off late since they believe that a thorough understanding of these stories will be pivotal in tackling the rise of Hindutva extremism in the country. All the Doraemon comics in Rahul’s library have already been replaced by Amar Chitra Katha collections. Yesterday around 7pm, he came out of the library in a pensive mood and went straight to Sonia who, not to be left behind, was herself watching the blockbuster Karan Arjun.

‘Mumma, this unstatesmanlike approach taken by Modi towards our neighbors disturb Rahul Gandhi’, he said. ‘To solve a problem, we have to get to the root of the problem. The communal forces had deceived the Sri Lankan prince Kumbhakarna by coaxing his brother in the midst of a war. If we make amends for that, it will be a game changer in India-Sri Lanka relations.’

Sonia’s eyes went moist, partly because of the words of wisdom she just heard from her son and rest because of the stellar performance from Rakhee(not the Sawant) that she witnessed a while back. ‘Mere Kumahkaran ko uska veebshan milega’, is all she could put to words. Immediately a message was flashed to the Congress headquarters.

(This is the first satire in the series “Rahul’s encounters with the Amar Chitra Katha” that I am starting today.)